But you don't look sick

Sorry I didn't post last night. Felt pretty much the same as the night before. Anyway, on to today...

Pain: Not wonderful. Left leg cramped pretty much all day. Hips burning. Neck a little better. Everything else faily sam-ey.

Sleep: Even less than usual - worrying about dr all night!

Food: Ummmm, had half a sandwich, a packet of crisps an a boiled sweet for lunch. Finishing off my ice cream for supper.

Actions: Went to the doctor's a three shops. Managed not to pass out in terror, lol.

Social: Pretty much kept myself to myself. Talked to boss guy in sandwich shop, who remembered me. 45 mins on phone to mum this afternoon.

Fibro Fog: All over and upside down, god, I don't know what's going on today. I keep losing all semblance of language. The doctor, my mum, the sandwich shop guy, Tricia - all had to fill in most of what I was saying today! But at other times I was using words like 'semblance' with no problem. Bizarre.
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Well. The doctor was awesome, I really needn't have worried. Our ten mins turned into half an hour and we went over a LOT of fibro related stuff together, which was nice. He wants to see me regularly to check up on ym progress. And he took me off the Ami, because the DEVIL CREATED IT!!!

I am detoxing for a couple of days (didn't take a dose last night and have another two days to go before can start new drugs) then going on to Mirtazapine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirtazapine), 15mg per night. Yay, yet another drug I have to learn to spell without checking the box! Though apparently it helps with appetite so that could be good too :-)

Also - since I stopped the drugs last night I think I'm in withdrawal. From about three hours ago, I've been BEYOND dizzy, even worse than usual. Keep feeling like I'm falling off the bed when I'm right in the middle of it. Plus Im... not exactly hyper... but totally bizarre with the mood swings. I'm calm and almost blank forlike ages and then suddenly I see something even vaguely funny and I'm laughing hysterically for about five minutes.

And right now I have ice cream - which is awesome. And seems to have trown me into a hyper attack. So, yeah, fun day!

Pain: Bad. Everywhere.

Sleep: None as usual.

Food: Did good today - microchips and, later, a curry. We had Indian takeaway. Also a small bowl of ice cream and a piece of homemade shortbread. I am now eating a cheese sandwich but that's more for the comfort than anything else.

Actions: Not too much. Hung around downstairs. Went in the bath. Took it easy.

Social: Very good. Hung out with family most of the day.

Fibro Fog: On and off.

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Had a good day most of today and hung out with family. But then I paid for it bigtime because I have been in a shitload of pain all evening. Even the bath didn't help. Everything I can think of that might hurt, does hurt.

Pain: Bit better today. Hips and back have still been playing me up andmy upper arms are aching badly. Can't turn my head to the right today, though my shoulders are better than yesterday (still ache like a bitch though). Around my ribs and just under has been spasming, as usual. Hands aching quite a bit. Had a lot of trouble holding a phone again today.

Sleep: As close to nil as matters. Stayed in bed until 4.30pm again though. Just too tired to do anything else. My eyes are dry and itchy and have horrible dark rings under them. I really do look ill.

Food: Sausage and mash microwave meal this evening. I also have a couple of packets of crisps - am going to have one of those in a minute. Who can resist beef hula hoops?

Actions: I actually made it to the shop today. Ten minute walk, ten minutes buying, ten minutes back. I could barely climb the stairs afterwards... had to keep resting!

Social: Dad and Tricia out all day but my step-brother has been in and his girlfriend was visiting. We chatted for about 20 minutes while I syked myself up to go shopping. Dealt ok with the lady at the counter but completely ignored everyone else, which kind of worked. She was very chatty though and it made me a little uneasy. Spoke to my mother for ten minuteds which wasn't too bad- just about films and stuff, nothing too deep. Called my Granny to see how she was and ended up talking for 40 mins - she's like that! Was a bit tiring but nice to talk to her. I'm glad I waited until a time I knew I could kind of dealw ith it though!

Fibro Fog: Ugh, with my lack of sleep and these meds it's been terrible anyway. Specific examples though, not sure. Had a couple of slip-ups when talking to Paul and his girlfriend. Cannot remember he name for the life of me. Have only just started being able to write coherently for the day - my facebook updates today were bizarre. Had a couple of weird moments in the shop - forgot my pin number, didn't notice an offer on something I bought, that sort of thing - but not too bad.
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Joined a few chronic pain related communities today. I feel I need more people who I can rant to or ask about meds and their effects or tips on coping with things and they'll understand. Speaking to Granny was faintly annoying - "You'll feel better if you go for a walk, it'll ease the pain" - so I could to with more people to talk to who actually get it. I don't have arthritis. Walking will not ease it. It makes it hurt more. *headshake* People really drive me mad with their not-thought-out suggestions. I hate it when they make out it's my fault for feeling the way I do - because I don't excercise loads or get up at 6am or just 'shrug my shoulders and get on with it.' Grrr.

I'm a bit upset at how I look right now. Looked in the mirror for the first time in ages today (usually I just glance and run - I don't like mirrors) and I look like hell. My eyelids are dry and I have terrible dark rings under them. I'm pale and drowsy looking. And I have horribly dry lips all the time too. Ah well, at least my new doctor can't say I'm making a big deal out of nothing!

Pain: Back has been bad today, as it has all week. I blame moving house. My shoulders have got worse compaired to yesterday, hips about the same (ie horrible), right side especially painful. Legs a little better - still aching but no cramp so far today. Feet no longer hurting. Arms aching as though I've been lifting weights all week. Eyes still itching but I think that's lack of sleep. Stomach not too bad but definately making its presence known. Chest a lot better than last night - less spasms. It was awful at 2 this morning though! Diaphragm not too happy either.

Sleep: It's always hard to measure this sort of thing, but I think I got my usual 3 hours. Pretty broken up as usual. I was in a lot of pain last night and the early hours of this morning so I didn't really settle down until about 5am. I got up at 4.30 today, despite my alarm going off twice and the house alarm being tested - all of which I heard but didn't have the energy to get up.

Food: I had some awesome chilli that Tricia made and a chunk of chocolate. Still only averaging one meal per day but at least today it was a good one.

Actions/Social: I went downstairs at 4.30 and talked to people a bit, but my step-mother was cooking and the noises were too much for me so I retreated back upstairs again. I also spoke to Felix on the phone for ten minutes and was alright (though I usually am, talking to him). Have had several texts but not been able to reply yet. Went down again later on for dinner and chatted while eating, for about an hour. It took a lot out of me but was worth it. My father has a great sense of humour that cheers me up and his voice is very low so comfortable for me when I'm having a bad day with sounds.

I did want to go shopping but, again, woke up too late so couldn't. Perhaps I will do better tomorrow.

Fibro Fog: I seem ok so far, though I did try to read a little earlier and the words wouldn't go in. I seem alright typing though. I have lost words several times and when in conversation earlier I found it hard to construct sentences at times, but not badly enough that it got in the way too much.
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I have been doing a little research on the bad effects of Ami, when it doesn't work how people want it to. Of course, with fibro you often get the bad side of medication anyway. It seems fairly usual that instead of helping you sleep it just makes you groggy all the time. Also seems the most popular first choice for doctors, which I find weird. But if there's anything I have learned in my time chasing the medical system waving my blatant illness at them until they listened, it's that the choices of doctors are not always easy to understand and the House MD really is just a TV show. Which is a shame, because I could have done with a bastard who wouldn't let me walk away without a diagnosis because it annoyed him.

The other effect of course is the drymouth and the sore throat I have had since I started taking them. Annoying, but not desperate. However I did find out that drymouth tends to lead to dental problems,which I have enough of already. So probably not ideal.

My main problem though is that I seem to be losing my life to lying around to exhausted to do anything. I have things I want to do! Not the least of which is unpack - I've been here a week and still haven't done anything.

On the plus side I was talking to my mother on the phone the other night and she seemed to be coming around to the idea of me being ill. She suggested a couple of things which, while it's one of the things that drives me MAD (as it does a lot of us) at least it's a step up from telling me to pull myself together and go back to work, or to excercise more. So I feel we are making progress. Of course, I could have just got her on a good day. We shall see.

Oh yes, and someone I know saw a wheelchair at a charity shop the other day and phoned me to ask if I wanted it. Well, I know I walk with a cane sometimes but I'd like to think I'm not that bad yet! So that was a little surreal.